How to encourage a special needs mom (when you aren't one)

This week I read a delightful post written by Aprille at Beautiful in his time. The post is

How to encourage a special needs mom (when you aren't one). 

Jump over and read it. Then come back and I will share my two cents on a few of the pieces of advice.

4. Ask her questions.

Asking questions is great. If you are a stranger in the middle of the grocery store, you might not get the whole truth. If Luke is with me, you might not get the whole answer. Even though he doesn't talk, he hears everything. There are just some things he doesn't need to hear. 

6. Keep advice to yourself.

Unless you are a knowledgeable about autism, sensory processing disorder, verbal apraxia or education, I would rather you keep your advice to yourself. On the other hand, while I have done lots of research, it doesn't mean I have heard or read about all the latest-and-greatest methods. Telling me about something that sounds promising or interesting is OK. This is not the same as offering advice. Better yet, send me the link then I won't have to remember enough to Google the information.

I also love, love, love to hear stories where a child has made great strides. It gives me hope.

7. Don't invalidate or downplay her hardship by saying "oh, my child does that too."

One of the first things that I learned when I took the parent training at Judevine (now Touch Point Autism Services) is that most of the behaviors our children with autism do, typical developing children will also do. The difference can be summed up with D.I.F 

Duration, Intensity and Frequency

8. Refuse to compare your child's development to hers.

Most children have what can be called a typical development. The development of a child with autism is all over the place. Neither one is normal or abnormal. 

I have a friend who has a son (also named Luke) who are the same age, same grade as my Luke. Her Luke is a head taller and academically very advanced, so it is almost funny to "compare" the two boys. What is hard is when the little ones, e.g. toddlers, preschoolers,  reach a developmental milestone that my Luke isn't even close to. But I still want to hear about it and celebrate. 

9. Offer tangible help.

Asking for help takes time and energy. It also takes a willingness to verbally admit that you can't do it all - even though I am often told "I don't know how you do it." (This is a big assumption.) I have two neighbors who will shovel my drive without being asked. 

10. Pray for her and her child.

In my book, this should be a given!

Aprille's best advice is --

Simply "Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep."